How to Ask and Get What You Want
To get what you want, you’ve got to know what you want.
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Yes, we are once again starting with the self! This involves taking a deep dive to discover exactly what you want, how this aligns with your goals, and how to ensure your relationships will help to provide this.
I recommend taking the following four steps…
1. Identify and understand your WHY
Whether or not you had an amazing relationship… Would you still strive for financial independence? Would you still upgrade your lifestyle? Would you still start that business?
2. Visualize
Envision, with detail, the lifestyle you want for yourself. Get clear on what that actually looks like. Whatever your chosen goal, visualize what this looks like and get specific.
3. Get Organized
If the goals are just floating in your head, you might feel overwhelmed. Put the ideas down on paper. See the path and have a plan to stay on it.
4. Get Obsessed
This is key, but most of us drop the ball. We lack motivation. We doubt ourselves. The shortcut to getting past your doubts and distorted thinking is to immerse yourself. Force yourself to dive in. Get obsessed.
DISCOVER YOUR SUPERPOWER.
Can you gain a superpower from only one call? One hour with Taylor changed my entire understanding of dating. She gave me fun assignments that made me feel more comfortable with using my feminine powers for asking for what I am seeking. It was incredible! I feel like I have a superpower that I didn’t know existed. (Source: Clarity)
Alice V.
Next, you must stop downplaying your needs.
You know what you want, so you now need to communicate it.
Like Cardi B in the song “Money.”
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Too often women are in situations where a man literally asks her, “what are you looking for?”
The first thing she responds with? “I don’t know.”
Oh GOD whyyy do we say this!?! Is it because we were taught that our inner knowing is not allowed? Is it because we’ve been so conditioned out of our deepest desires that we can’t even access our truth? It’s difficult to distinguish what we want from those immediate pop-up questions like, “but what will this say about me? What will they think? Am I allowed to want this? Will I still be a good person?” When we’re filtering what we really want through these questions (usually subconsciously), it results in “I don’t know.”
Here’s an example:
What do you want this relationship to provide? This should be a simple question, pretty straightforward. But it quickly becomes, “What does it say about me if I want a rich man to help expand my options? Will people view me differently? Is it wrong for me to want this?” These are way too many questions for you to process all at once! So you’re left with, “I don’t know.” This self-conscious pattern informs our path. It determines how we choose what we want from our lives, and who we want in our lives. Instead of using our inner drive to realize our highest potential, we default to what we think society expects of us (often without realizing we had another choice). A lifetime of feeling like we don’t know means we spend years hiding our inner knowing, hiding our intuition. Hiding what we genuinely want.
I don’t know is often code for…
“I DO know, but I am scared to say.”
“I DO know, but I don’t want to seem _____.”
“I DO know, but admitting this would require facing things I’d rather not.” (such as rejection, fear of ‘no’ is a thing).
If you have this “I don’t know” response, know that it is not unusual. You likely needed it at some point. But also recognize that you can ditch this pattern for something much more rewarding. Because once you know your truth and own what you want… You can actually get it.
The final piece of the puzzle? Don’t apologize!
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How do I dare go after what I want? I’ll tell you how I dare – because neither you nor I should ever apologize for valuing ourselves.
Because we will not apologize for wanting what we want. Because we will not apologize for receiving what we want. Because you know when it’s “enough?”
When you feel you are living your best life. That’s when it’s enough. Until then, it is not, and no one else gets to decide that for you. No one else gets to tell you how much you deserve.
Which is all to say – do not settle or play small because someone is uncomfortable.
Own your worth!
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Because the real reason you need to stop settling for less? I’ll be honest. There are so many…
- It’s the peace of mind that that comes from living in alignment with what you want.
- It’s the pride you feel when truly showing up for yourself and your goals.
- It’s the satisfaction that arises knowing you’re in charge of your destiny.
- It’s finally meeting and enjoying time with the partner(s) of your dreams.
- It’s the opportunities that consistently show up when you’re living at full tilt.
To settle for less means you’re missing out on all the above. It is my personal mission to help women rise beyond the rut and expect more from themselves, their partners, and their lives.